Assalaamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakaatuh
I’m currently 27 years old and not married. Recently I’m going through a difficult time. I have lost my enthusiasm for life. I would relate some activities of my life that has led to my current situation.
One of my weaknesses is that I’m very scared to take big steps in my life and live in doubt. Nevertheless, a few years back I was fixed to a girl and I broke the engagement due to fears that I won’t manage.
Then I went to see girls and I was happy with all the girls, but was too afraid to propose. Thereafter due to my weakness and caught up with the social networks, I got involved with a woman who told me she is divorced. We got physical, but didn’t do the act. Later I came to find out that she is still in her relationship, so I left her. Allah forgive me.
This haraam relationship I got myself involved, made me realize that I’m weak sexually. I realized that I had this very bad habit which I have given up, that of masturbation which has led to this problem.
I have lost my self confidence and very scared to get married.
Wa ‘alaikumus salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barkaatuh
The very positive aspect in your email is that alhamdulillah you have given up the terrible habit of masturbation. It is clear that you may have, over a considerable period of time, damaged yourself physically and emotionally. Among the emotional consequences of masturbation over a prolonged period is the loss of self confidence and very low courage. Thus your multiple problems are all apparently related to the same issue. Our advice to you is the following:
- Seek the guidance of an experienced ‘Aalim or Shaikh who you have confidence in and feel compatible with. You should keep a close contact with him, attend his programs and communicate with him regularly. You should confide in him and follow his mashurah in all issues. Try your best to complete whatever daily program of tilaawat, zikr, ta’leem, etc. that he may prescribe. Insha-Allah in time your courage and self confidence will be boosted.
- In terms of your physical weakness and damage, this is a medical issue. You will have to consult a doctor. We strongly advise that you should attend to this problem BEFORE getting married. You could also look into alternate medication.
- This problem reached this extent over time. Therefore you will have to be patient and not expect the recovery to happen in a few weeks or months. However, if you remain clear from the evil habits, undertake the treatment diligently and keep in close contact with an experienced Shaikh as advised, insha-Allah you will overcome these issues. Do also engage excessively in du‘aa.
May Allah Ta‘ala assist you and grant you complete cure from all your emotional and physical weakness.