Question:

How do I give up a relationship with my girlfriend?

Answer:

A person generally establishes a relationship with a girlfriend because he is looking for love, happiness and acceptance. However, after taking this route, people eventually realize that the happiness is short-lived and shallow. They realise that these relationships merely put you on an emotional rollercoaster, and the ride ends in nothing but depression and misery.

Why is This So?

The reason is that Allah Ta‘ala is the Creator of all happiness, and He has placed true happiness in His obedience alone. The result is that a person’s heart will ONLY find true solace and happiness if Allah Ta‘ala is happy with him.

If a person has to feed ice cream to a new-born baby, the baby would enjoy it and perhaps even cry for more. However, the baby’s system is designed to thrive on milk alone, and so the ice cream would make the baby extremely sick. Likewise, our hearts are designed to thrive on the obedience of Allah Ta‘ala. If we try to nourish our hearts with sin, then although we might seem to enjoy for that moment, our hearts will eventually become sick and miserable.

How to Leave Her?

The breakup must be done ASAP, in fact NOW, and ALL contact must be totally severed. Do not inform her of the break up yourself, as she will then argue, fight and debate with you to try and make you feel guilty and salvage the relationship. Rather let the news reach her via some third party. Make it clear that you want to have zero contact with her. If necessary, change your phone number and other contact details and keep no trace of her number as well. Block her number and other means of contacting you.

The After-Effect:

After some time passes, you may begin to miss the girlfriend and regret the breakup. This is the attack of shaitaan who is trying his best to make your taubah collapse. You may be tempted to message her or speak to her ‘for old time’s sake’. Your nafs will deceive you and tell you that it will be ‘one last time’. You may even feel that you ‘owe it to her’. When she is partly responsible for Allah Ta‘ala being angry with you, then what do you owe her??? Rather, she owes it to herself to make taubah and stop her indecent behaviour.

Whatever happens, DO NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE OF CONTACTING HER IN ANY WAY. If you do, you will be back at square one as you will then pine for more and more contact.

Maintenance Plan:

It is thus vital for you to establish a maintenance plan for your taubah to remain intact.

We suggest that you do the following:

1. Keep the company of pious friends who will motivate you to remain firm. Stay far from such friends who will tempt you back into sin – especially friends that have contact with your ex-girlfriend.

2. Try to establish contact with a pious, senior ‘aalim. Confide in him and tell him your challenges and problems. He will guide you and make du‘aa for you.

3. Try to go out in jamaat for some time. The environment and activities of the jamaat will do wonders for soothing your heart and repairing the damage.

4. Read all your salaah in the masjid, and try to sit in the musjid for some time everyday (even if it is for 5 minutes), whether it is to listen to a program or to make ‘ibaadah.

5. Make tilaawat of the Quraan Majeed daily.

6. Make zikr daily (100 x istighfaar, 100 x durood and 100 x third kalimah).

7. Make du‘aa daily and beg Allah Ta‘ala to save you from falling back into sin. One easy method of doing this is to make du‘aa after every salaah, even if it is for just 2 minutes.

The Rewards:

The person who leaves sin out of the fear of Allah Ta‘ala will be rewarded by receiving not one but two Jannahs![1] But furthermore, he will receive the love of Allah Ta‘ala, and when Allah Ta‘ala loves a person, his life in this world will also become like Jannah.

Conclusion:

If it ever seems impossible to leave her, or after leaving her, it seems impossible to stay away, then remember that there were countless people who left their girlfriends, changed their lives and found the love of Allah Ta‘ala. If they did it, so can you. To leave your girlfriend is not to lose the person you love, rather it is to regain the love that you lost – the love of Allah Ta‘ala.

May Allah Ta‘ala make it easy for you and guide you, aameen.

[1] See here for an inspirational incident in this regard.